Getting Away

“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.”
Maya Angelou
 
I'm heading to Florida this week to present at a conference. It has been quite a long time since I've done this. I miss traveling and meeting with colleagues. Traveling with Donna has changed exponentially over the past few years, and it is something we no longer do. We may go visit friends, but we no longer go to new places, no longer jaunt off on a weekend somewhere, no road trips, no planes. We won't ever make the drive to Alabama again to see my mom because the experience is so disorienting for Donna. So going to Florida feels as exciting as if I was headed to China!

I shall be wearing new jewelry too - on this trip, and every day - a Medical Alert bracelet. Mine says: Caregiver for ####. Donna's says: Memory Impaired... My name is Donna.

 As a solo caregiver this means that if something happens to me then first responders will know that I am a caregiver and they can call or log into the information associated with the ID numbers on the bracelet. This is peace of mind for me that assures me that someone will spring into action for Donna if need be. Her bracelet reassures me that if she wanders then this is as close as a microchip as I can get to making sure she is 'returned to sender.'

I thought she might hate the idea of the bracelet, but she said, "Thank you, honey, thank you, thank you." I honestly believe that on some level she understands why we have these bracelets. She surprises me by her capacity to comprehend the subtle things, and her inability to make sense of the simple things. She still has times when she knows how hard things are for her. Recently I asked her, "Do you know what Alzheimer's is?" and she replied, "It is me." One thing is certain - Donna hasn't forgotten how to have fun! She experiences joy nearly every day. All the complexities and demands of life that bog us down as adults have disappeared for Donna. Yes, she is lonely. Yes, she is sad. Yes, she understands the loss of people who have disappointed us both by their disappearance. However, Donna is 'lucky' to not be plagued by the recurrence of those feelings. She simply moves on without any effort required.

I haven't had a trip alone in a few years, and when I have had a day or two of respite I have spent them at home alone. Last week someone told me that I had forgotten how to have fun. I've been thinking about that a lot, and recognize the significance of that statement. So, while Florida is not just a trip for leisure, it will hopefully remind me that I can have fun again, and that respite shouldn't always be a reclusive experience.

Donna will be staying with family because she can't stay home alone. Again, while I expected she might balk a bit at the need to stay somewhere else, she again said, "Thank you, honey. Thank you. Thank you." I can't impose on them too often, but they are the only option I have for respite now. In time, the caregiver may be able to stay here for a few days, but she is not familiar enough to do that yet. So, wish me well. No matter the weather I'll be glad to be somewhere other than home. I'll even try to have fun!