Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu

Anyone who knows Donna and I, not singularly, but as the us that we are would know that this quote embodies all that is the most simple and most complex truth of who we are.


Yesterday we went out to grab a bite to eat. I said it was in celebration of the news that the roof repairs would be far more affordable than I had feared. It was that, but also I was just too tired to cook. Donna loves wine, but I don't buy it very much because she simply cannot remember how much she has had to drink. I got tired of coming home to her being sauced, not to mention that I think it was making her more depressed than happy. But when we go out she savors that glass of wine as if she has crossed the desert and come upon an oasis. 

After we came home we were sitting and listening to some music and I asked Donna if she knew what Alzheimer's is. She said, very matter-of-factly, "It is me." I was taken aback at her response and even more by what she said afterwards - which you must keep in mind comes in a circuitous pathway of words - but the essence was this:

"Every day I am glad to have another day, and I don't want to be sad."

I am frequently the recipient of messages that praise or admire my strength and my courage, but it is often only me who shares those sentiments with Donna. I tell her how much I appreciate that she fights to keep going, and that she tries to be happy. It is excruciating to watch her slip away, but she does not give in to the overwhelming sadness that the Alzheimer's diagnosis could bring. She never has. If you know anything about Donna's life history you might not be surprised by her resilience and yet shake your head at how she responds to the fate that awaits. Shortly after the shock of the diagnosis work off, Donna quipped, "You know, I had a hard life but I hope I forget all those times and remember the best years."

She, and Lao Tzu, are pretty smart!